1. 14th Grade (Prelude to a Magnum Nopus)
2. Winchester
3. The Millennial Falcon
4. Timepiece
5. Act I: Inferno
6. Bastor
7. Be Thou My Vision (a brief detour to ogygia)
8. Ulysses
9. Anti-Missionary
10. Act II: Purgatorio
11. The Queen City (Restless v. Nestless)
12. Friends, Enemies, and Anemones
13. Mob
14. time & matter (a terse cosmology)
15. Janus
16. Act III: Paradiso
17. Jesus Took Half My Vinyl
18. Pluto
19. Sophomore
20. Eden
It starts today, the newest grade
These halls that I will walk are not what I had thought
There’s faces in the walls
They hiss at me and bare their teeth and spit their venom out
It’s not how I want to live
I am like a god in that I am silent and weak and hard to believe in
These bricks are my second hand smoke
I choke and become more old than my years would dictate
But hate is such a strong word
That’s why I’m saving it for my days in this place
It starts today, the teachers wake
From underneath their desks
The kids are in unrest and dressed up in their best
Their silks and buttons churn my gut and leave me feeling sick
And vaguely unjustly nostalgic
I am like a pawn in that I am lesser and shaded and underestimated
You are like a queen with no crown, you frown and look down on us from your high horse
I’ll do better next time
Just give me a second chance to change your mind
Some time to find who I am
The man that I can be
[top]
There’s a round table in my head with nine chairs and eight plates
Cause I never invite Jesus, but he shows up anyway
And I’m there too, the mutt begging for food
Chewing crude scraps from my idols
Spitting out something new
The shoes I shine with my saliva
Trying to revive the dirt they died on
I’d trade my pride for something real
Just guide me through this narrow trail
Failure!
Get the fuck out of my psyche
I’m trying to fill it with my lyrical heroes who’ll admire me
Who’ll admire me?
As I come out of the mire
I’ll be pitchforked to the fire by some thick-rimmed wearing Pharisee
Critical hypocrite
Pseudo-intellectual
The terms you throw like stones at us expose you so
It’s apropos
I know that I’m a part of it
We’re all a part of it
It just vexes me that you refuse to see how you’re a cog in this machine
When I die, lay me out in a field
Where I can decompose and be a part of life once more
It’s all we’re here for
Reincarnate, you’re such a misleading verb
Built for corpses that contribute to the earth
No one’s soul is being burned
An outsider in his own land
An E.T. on his own planet
Planted ideas verses organic reflection
I speculate that every last thought came from our parents
I believe that we’re all products of genetic transference
Inheriting all synapses, conceptual occurrences
The currency of immortality in is our children
Don’t look to the fountain, Ponce de Leon, look to the women
Only in my fantasies
You can call me the millennial falcon
[top]
You said you’d be here by now, but it’s past ten-thirty and I’m freezing and lonely
God damn, your pocket watch must be faulty
God damn, your mind must be somewhere else
With someone else
Don’t bother coming by my park bench apartment
I’m wandering the highways finding fine cuisine in garbage
My interior’s got that inferior old charcoal paisley wallpaper
T-T-T-Tell me, bout his good vibrations
T-T-T-Tell me bout my limitations
God damn, your pocket watch must be faulty
God damn, your gears must be turning early with someone new
I guess I’m overdue
But who’s to count?
You said you’d be here by now, but it’s 12 past midnight and it’s cold in the starlight
I guess your analogs must be busted
I guess your inner clock must be rusted from lack of use
I’m running out of juice
Don’t bother looking for me cause I won’t be hiding
I’m the lotus in plain view, biding your time and pining
Your interior’s got that superior new lavish velvet furniture
T-T-T-Tell me, bout his good vibrations
T-T-T-Tell me bout my limitations
I guess you must have turned with the century
I guess your cell phone’s run out of battery inside his room
I swear I’m over you
I will count my blessings and I’ll get back to you
I will wait unceasing just to see you
I refuse to rest until your coral lips spill the truth
Cause I count myself blessed just to have met you
You should count my treacherous glances and unearned second chances
You should do whatever makes you happy
You should beat my spurious ass back to Dante’s damned old land
Cause I’m not half a man and now I know that
Who am I to judge another human?
Until the night gives way to the morning
I’ll be here beneath the awning, beneath the moon
Denying every truth
[top]
Day by day you pulled us to the depths
Week by week you ripped our faith to shreds
I don’t want to believe
And that’s my fault but you damn sure helped
And that’s my cross but you damn sure pound the nails
This time I’ll spare you
This time I’ll spare you
I’m waiting for your slip
Have I been too gracious?
And I wonder if your daughters will ever find out what you’re all about
And I hope to your god that they’ll send you back home to the ground
A heathen’s promise
Run faster, Thomas
I’m praying for your slip
I won’t be so gracious…
Rattlesnake shake your candy, I know it’s you tommy
Back off my friend and me
We’ll ride our bikes home through the storm
Thanks for the offer though could I have been warned?
Of the nights that you’d scar me and my best friend
14 and 16 we were just kids
Forgive all your bad deeds?
Do these eyes bear clemency?
Back off my friend and me
We’ll find our way home through the thorns
Thanks for the offer though I’d rather be stoned
A bastard’s promise
Run faster Thomas
I’m calling all your tricks
You make me sick, sick, sick
(Solo)
A bastard’s promise is worthless honestly
I’m calling all your shit
You’ve made me 666
Worthless like good deeds
Do these tears look happy?
Back off my brother and me
We’ll find our way home through the thorns
Thanks for the offer though fuck you and yours
[top]
Lost my religion, still got my heart
Bound me, forsook me, left me in the dark
Give me a reason not to tear you apart
Give me a reason not to leave here right now
My twisted vision, my Trojan war
Took me and kicked me, shook me to the core
The ship sailed 4 years ago but I’m still on shore
Searching for something to plug all these holes
[top]
What can I believe in?
As I’m leaving the comfort of my God
Knees are bleeding
I’m lost in the smog
There are church pews in the trees
They’ll feed you lotus leaves
You’ll sleep and never leave
(There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth)
I don’t know you
I don’t know you
I don’t know you, Lord
There are sirens in the nave
They’re saying they can save
They’re chasing me away
Now I’m breaking at the seams
I’m waking from my dreams
Please say a prayer for me
[top]
My god, why won’t you die?
Cause I’ve tried harshly and subtly
Killing you for lacking the truth
I’ll light your words ablaze, then start for the door
The only books that start a war must be read with salt or not at all
You sure you want me?
It’s not mutual
It’s not beautiful anymore
I’ll bash their eyes
Cause it’s better than seeing
If they see then they might start believing
And that’s scarier than hell
And that’s coming from a kid who wanted to kill himself
And that’s coming from a kid who grew up in sanctuaries high
And that’s coming from a kid who faked it every Thursday night
And that’s coming from a kid who gave up half of his brief life
To crosses cruel and Sunday school, oh I’m a guilty wreck
I’m going to heck
It’s the worst kind of ship
If you love me, give me ten percent
Well that’s not love at all
It’s not what you should ask of us
You want a trust that’s so uncalled for
For years and years I took the blood and
Bread to get rid of the sins that I now revel in
Well I’m the bloody devil and
I perceive that we’re more than you’re teaching
If they hear then they might start believing in us and themselves
And that’s coming from the kid who hid in stained glass shadows of his shell
And that’s coming from a kid who grew up in sanctuaries high
And that’s coming from a kid who faked it every Thursday night
And that’s coming from a kid who gave up half of his brief life
To crosses cruel and Sunday school and disconcerting bells
I’m going to hell
[top]
There’s greater places beyond the snow
I’m getting sick of buffalo
I love you but it’s time to go
I’m stuck in sour syrup
I’m an embryo
Waiting for this city to rear me and kick me out as I turn twenty
Amniotic is Niagara Falls tonight
Amniotic is Niagara Falls tonight
It could never be the ocean that had given birth to me
It could never be so natural, but a section of the sea
But for me
If my body’s a temple, it’s crumbling
But for me
If my mind is a surgeon, she’s fumbling with the scalpel and the axe
If I’m an acrobat, I’m landing with a crash
As the disks inside my back all dislocate with a coordinated snap
There goes my spine, who knew I had one all this time?
[top]
My amigos got egos like self-centered torpedos
Shooting out in all directions like explosive mosquitos
Sucking me and mine dry in the blink of an eye
And then flying to tomorrow night to stick us all again
That’s not a friend
That’s not a friend
But to me you’re still a pre-pubescent teen
So let me know when you can drive, cause you’re not walking back into my life
There’s a demon in my skull and I like to call him peter
He’s a regular, satanic blood-sucking soul eater
Yeah, yeah
Well he hisses his derision and the reasons I should die
I think I kill him every morning but he comes back every night
No, no
Please, God, no
But the miles I’ve been running will soon cleanse him from my veins
And the songs that I’ve been writing will soon wipe him from my brain
[top]
If you asked me how much time I spend writing verse, verses lying in my bed
I would tell you to go to hell but secretly I’d know you spew the truth
If you asked me how to be a man
I would laugh cause I’m barely human, man or woman
With my fuming factory stacks protruding from my neck
Polluting all my friends
My solution has been my seclusion and my guitar
I need time alone to recharge
Cause it’s an extrovert’s world and I don’t care if I win
I’m just trying to fit in
And I know that riches won’t make me rich
But it feels that way sometimes, like it’ll scratch my deepest itch
And I know that fame won’t grant me sleep
But it feels that way sometimes, if I’m not loved I’m gonna die alone
And that’s my greatest fear; my greatest comfort
That I’m just like everyone else
If you asked me how much time I spend being myself verses reading a thesaurus
I would tell you to take your puerile derriere and saunter back to school
Yeah, haul your callow keister back to the kinder’s institute
And I know that pretensions won’t make me friends
But it feels that way sometimes, when I use words I can’t define
And I know that this façade won’t help me sleep
But it feels that way sometimes, like everyone is better than me
So that’s my greatest fear; my greatest comfort
That I’m just like everyone else
Yeah that’s my greatest fear; my greatest comfort
That I’m just like everyone else
[top]
Time flows like a river, like a pond
The world will turn, whether I’m here or not
I find solace in the fact I might be wrong
I find comfort in the moments I feel small
Time blinds like a killer in the fog
The world’s turned for years and it will go on
And I find solace in the fact I’m probably wrong
I find comfort in the things I can’t wrap my head around
Like I matter
Like the human race it matters
Like I’m anything but matter
Like I’m anything at all
[top]
I’m not apathetic, I’m just spoiled and conflicted
Now you know the truth of how I think my sick mind makes do
Do you believe in saving grace?
The human race is all the same
At least I hope so
I haven’t the time or care to know for sure
I’m caught between magnanimity and self-fulfilling prophecies
I’m torn between a bleeding heart and a futile view of things
Like lukewarm water, smoldering and polar
Is this a body bag or amniotic sac?
Is this the rapture or a heart attack?
Am I a farmer or a swarm of locust?
Losing sight or gaining focus?
Am I Cain or am I Abel?
To sacrifice or not?
Am I the killer or the cop?
Am I Abraham or am I a sodomite?
I guess I’m both at once and that’s what makes me lose my mind
Am I Jezebel or am I Magdalene?
The sainthood or the sin?
I’ve got both inside my skin
Am I Abraham or am I a sodomite?
It’s simultaneous at once and that’s what makes me lose my mind
That’s what makes me want to die
That’s what makes me feel alright
Am I being taught or giving lectures
Based in pixels or in vectors
The rising or the fall
Am I the fingers or the wall
Am I a poet or a tax collector?
Philanthropist or feline burglar
Is my presence poisonous or am I someone you could trust
Am I Jezebel or am I Magdalene?
The sainthood or the sin?
I’ve got both inside my skin
Am I Addama or am I Solomon
The sinner or the king
Am I the winter or the spring?
Am I Delilah or am I Sampson?
A man or a woman
I’ve got both inside my skin
Am I Jesus Christ or am I Ponchus Pilate?
I’ll give you a hint, I’ve got one in each iris
That’s what makes me want to die
That’s what makes me feel alright
[top]
What if I don’t get better?
What if this lasts forever?
I wanna get so sick that I remember what life is
And why I should keep with it
Revisit the places that you and I came from
Take it on back to ol’ Mesopotamia
I’m not colorblind
But man, come on, we’re all human
Fuck that, we’re just cells
That bloomed through evolution
Mutant
Synonymous with future
A few more tumors and maybe I’ll be a man that’s super
This isn’t how things used to be
Maybe that’s a good thing
Maybe my past has got me cornered in a boxing ring
It’s not how I remember it, take a hit
Right in the nostalgia
But I don’t recall ever severing my memory
Lights out, don’t shout, give us what we need
Bitch please, I don’t even fucking know how to please
So woe is me, amputee, trampled by the bards
Call Michelangelo cause my statues lost both his arms
I’m just teasing; Is it you or me on their knees?
Witch, please, I don’t even fucking know which is me
Am I a charm, potion, incantation, or a contagious disease?
I was cast out of heaven for keeping too much peace
Streets of gold and war mongering souls
J.C. can’t you see that your holy book is full of holes?
[top]
Neptune to Pluto
April to June, oh
I’m what the scientists forgot
Test tube to placemat, I can still taste it
I’m out of place but light-years ahead
Houston to fission
Abort the mission
Drop him and leave him to burn with the stars
Dripping in saline
Rotting with gangrene
I’m the ninth planet, I’m the plan 9
And the astronomers all gaze up at my body
Wondering how a boy so thin could be orbiting
17 to 70
4/4 to 6/3
No one will miss me
But I don’t much mind
Dear homosapien
Earth is so alien
I don’t belong there and neither do you
Are you my friend here now in the daytime when the lights are on
Are you my friend here now in the daytime with the lights on
Are you my friend here now in the daytime when the lights are on
Are you my firend here now in the grey times
When the fair-weather falters to monsoons and mistrals
I’m just a minstrel
I’m just a crooner who’s poor at his craft
Like the blacksmith whose hammer just sits behind glass
Or the captain who claims that he won’t need a map
So lock me up and toss out (swallow) the key
But bring back my heart cause I need it to sing (see, breathe)
So lock me up and clip both my wings
Goddammit I know why the caged bird sings
[top]
It’s time I forgave you
It’s time I forgave you
This anger runs so deep
This hatred’s killing me
[top]
Let’s go back to the garden, where it began
Eve had ambition, is that such a sin?
Back to the garden
I’m going back to the garden
I’m going down
With, like, every face in this whole crowd
Back to the cradle of our town
Back to the African kingdom that even the ivory came from
Back to the garden
I’m going back to the garden
I’m going now
To face a past that still scares me
I’ve wasted a whole life with worrying
Maybe our heaven is just earth
Maybe we won’t get a rebirth
I’m prepared for the worst
I found peace here within me
Back to the garden
I’m going
[top]